I’m feeling stupid. I can’t help it.

What was I thinking?!

I know that loving someone is giving too much. but I just gave the last thing I keep to myself. I just gave the access to my deepest thoughts. Selected friends know this and they thought it’s dead. But I’m gaining courage now. To say what’s in my head and in my heart. 

What was I thinking?!

I just bared all of me. All of my insecurities.

I’m smelling the spices all over the place. Repacking for my class tomorrow. It’s 5 hours drive from the city. It’s a new place for me and I’m going to teach things I barely know. What a cliche. I’m excited though. it’s different and timely change of work, to take things off my mind and not to beat myself.

Copied thoughts from 29 States.

To my friends with special someone.

If we are hanging out with friends, we demand your 100%. But it does not mean we do not understand the love feeling. We demand it because the group is not the same without you. The fun is complete with you here with us, body and mind.

Meet Shazfa. The baby with a big round eyes. She’s so adorable. She can make you smile by just looking into those eyes.


Eat some more baby.

chunky chocolate

This is really gooood. Want some?

Just You

The gift I expected is you. I got it. The gift I wanted was you. I got it. Understanding what is needed and presenting it as a gift. You knew I wanted you and you presented yourself to me.

And I think I don’t have to say what I want this time. Try to understand that all I need this time is still you. Only you.

You’re pulling me deeper into your web and making me love you more each day. It’s just simple words but it made me feel that I’m the luckiest woman alive. But you’re blessed. You must have done something great in your past life that the gods let you have me.


Excerpt 29 States.

She Got Married

She got married.


The girl.




Ahhh I said and at the same time my heart exploded into pieces. Its hurting you but its hurting me more. You are sad she got married today and you only found out in your feeds as your friends commented their best wishes.

She look different.

Lots and lots of make up.

How can you still care? How can you get hurt if she got married? How can you get sad on this day? While all this time I am here with you? How can you still care when I’m loving every second of the moment with you?

You still love her? Ooops. Sorry. You said you will always love her. So erase my question.

Its just that, memories won’t fade.

Its her loss, you know.

Life will go on. No matter what.

So if its me, you’ll just have to let go? You’ll just accept it like any other facts? Won’t you even try or pretend to fight for the things we shared?

Yes. But it won’t change the fact that heart can get hurt.

Today’s pain is tomorrow’s strength. Remember?

Yes. You said that.

She hurt you. But now she’s hurting me too. It hurts that the memories still have a hold on your heart. I have forgotten all the shitness I have in life when I met you. But I wasn’t enough.


Excerpt from long a story 29 States.

Have you ever been saddened by someone’s death that you don’t personally know? I have.

I came to know this great former president while searching for a new book to read. He was the former president of India. He is A. P. J. Abdul Kalam. I have come to know his words of wisdom. How his life, works, and ideology inspire people. He was a scientist. He led a mission Mars with only one-fourth of the cost that United States spent. He also didn’t put glass shards on the top of the perimeter wall because it is hazardous to the birds that one of his staff suggested. He said that they could secure the place in other way.

It’s really sad to lose someone who you know can make a difference in a country. Someone that can inspire people to be patriot. Someone that can make people do good. He died giving a speech to the young people. He was working until the last of his breath. I was thinking that this is the vacation long overdue. Then I think I’m wrong. How can he go to vacation when he knows  that the leaders he left behind are unfit to his standards. That the leaders now are corrupt, unethical, and lazy.  How can he go to a vacation knowing that his country and the rest of the world are in bad shape.

I think his legacy, the his love for the country, and our respect for him that are marked in our hearts will serve as our conscience. It will tell us to take the right road. But, even with all this realization, I’m still sad. Loss is loss. But to show our respect, we have to celebrate his life. He said we have to work an extra day on his death.